Straightjacket Feeling ch. 3

Six months later…… (still in their childhood)

The Winchesters were fast asleep in a new home. Dean had to share a room with his baby brother, much to his discontent. John Winchester, the boys’ father was asleep in the living room when he was woken suddenly by a pounding on the door. He got up, hand on his shot gun, and walked to the door. He looked out the window and saw no one. Then there was another pounding. He opened the door slowly and looked out, making sure to keep the gun concealed so he had the element of surprise. He looked down and slowly set the gun so it was leaning against the wall and opened the door all the way. Standing before him was a little girl with tears in her eyes.

He knelt down in front of her and comfortingly placed his hands on her shoulders. John’s eldest son stood at the top of the stairs watching in silence. The girl had seen him but made not acknowledgment of it. “What’s wrong Abbi,” he asked quietly. “What happened?”

“G… gone,” she whispered through her loud childish sobs. “They’re gone. It’s not fair.” She leaned forward and buried her head in John Winchester’s shoulder, crying her eyes out.

“Who’s gone,” he asked wrapping his arms around her and patting her on the back to comfort her. The child’s body trembled in his arms.

“My… my mommy and daddy,” she said quietly. The first thing that ran through John’s mind was his wife. “I… I was in be… bed,” she said quietly. “Rachel was downstairs.” Rachel was a local girl that did a lot of babysitting for the Foresters and Winchesters. “I… I heard the phone ring. A… a few minutes later Rachel came upstairs. She thought I was asleep but I wasn’t. I… she called her mom and told her that’s how I found out. I climbed out my window,” she said looking up at the man. “I don’t want to go home alone,” she said with tears in her eyes.

“Shh,” he whispered picking her up. He closed the door and turned around, noticing his eldest son standing at the top of the stairs. He wanted to tell Dean to go back to bed but he knew his son wouldn’t listen. “Come on down here Dean,” he said motioning for his son to join him. Dean ran down the stairs and walked behind his father looking up at Abbi the whole way to the living room. John put Abbi on the couch and sat down on a chair nearby as Dean sat down next to his best friend.

“Dad,” he asked quietly. He didn’t understand what was happening. Abbi was asleep, curled up in a ball with her head on Dean’s lap.

John watched them for a long time before speaking. He knew he should call Rachel, let her know what’s going on before she got scared. Though, Abbi had run off before when Rachel was babysitting her. Abbi always came to the Winchester’s. He couldn’t put her into a foster home or adoption agency. It wasn’t fair to her and she was special. She may be helpful when she gets older. “Dean,” he said quietly, looking over at his son. “Abbi’s going to be staying with us for a while all right?” Dean nodded slowly and looked down at Abbi.


Four Years Later……


“Sammy, stop that,” a ten year old girl’s voice whined. Abbi looked down at the child seat next to her. The five year old’s hand kept reaching for Abbi’s long brown hair. “Sammy,” she snapped again as he pulled at her hair. When she heard a laugh from the older boy next to her she turned to him and smacked him. “Shut up Dean,” she yelled. “Ow, Sammy will you grow up?” She sighed. “Mr. Winchester, tell Sammy to stop pulling my hair.”

“Sammy,” his father said in a stern voice. “Don’t make me come back there. Leave her alone.” Sam made a sound that resembled a whine and Abbi turned to him sticking her tongue out at him. “Abigail Renee Murphy,” he shouted from the front seat. “I saw that too.” She made a pouting face and crossed her arms angrily. John Winchester looked through the mirror and laughed. After that it was quiet for a long time. Dean was staring out the window. He hadn’t said anything in a while, which meant he was either bored of tired. John could never tell. Abbi saw the look of wonder on John’s face, through the mirror.

“He’s tired,” she said simply. She could always seem to tell what Dean was thinking or feeling. John smiled and rolled his eyes. He wondered how long a life like this would keep the kids together. She smiled and rested her head on Dean’s shoulder. He looked down at her then back out the window as both of them drifted off to sleep.


Two Years Later……

“Daddy,” Sammy’s small seven year old voice called from his bedroom. Abbi, who was three rooms away, woke instantly. She had gotten so used to Sammy’s nightmares. Dean was still fast asleep.

She walked into Sammy’s room and sat down next to him on the bed. “What’s wrong Sammy,” she asked. It was obvious Sam’s dad didn’t hear him or hadn’t realized it yet. She wrapped her arms around Sam and looked down at him.

“I’m scared,” he whispered. He curled up by her and began to cry. He was a very fragile boy; she was beginning to notice that.

“Shhh, it’s okay Sammy,” she whispered rocking him back and forth. “Your brother and father and me are here to protect you,” she said with a smile looking down at him. “You have nothing to be afraid of.”

Finally Sammy’s father came into the room. “What’s wrong Sammy,” he asked. He saw Abbi in the bed. “Why don’t you go get back to be Abbi?” She nodded and let go of the clinging child.

“Goodnight Sammy,” she said as she left the room.

“What’s wrong Sammy,” John asked as he sat on the end of Sammy’s bed.

“I’m scared.”

“Here,” he said taking a small knife out of his the drawer in Sam’s bedside table. Then he stood and walked out of the room. “Good night Sammy,” he said smiling. “I love you.”

Abbi watched from her room, the door was just cracked open. She looked down at Dean who was sleeping. That’s when it started, or at least when she realized it. Dean was more than just her best friend. She looked back out of the cracked door and watched Sam sit there on his bed, holding the knife tightly. She felt so bad for the poor boy. “He’ll be all right,” a voice from behind her said. She turned to Dean and sighed.

“It’s not fair to him Dean,” she said quietly.

Three Years Later…..

“You little cheater,” she shouted as she ran after Dean. The Winchesters had been on the road for a month now. They were in the middle of Kansas, heading home when they stopped for a break to stretch their legs. It was mostly for the kids. John Winchester sat in the car and watched the three of them in the field. They were running around playing Tag.

“I am not,” he said laughing as he caught her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “You’re just slow,” he said with a smile as he looked down at her. This was the most normal any of them had been in ten years. Dean smiled and lightly kissed her cheek.

“Ewww,” Sam yelled. “Dad, they’re kissing!” he yelled back to his father. John laughed.

“Shut up Sammy,” Dean said looking down at his little brother. “You’ll understand when you’re older.” As Dean was talking Abbi managed to wriggle herself from his grip and turned to face him. A small devilish smile crossed her lips.

“Tag,” she said smacking his arm and running away from him. He laughed and ran after Sam. Sam screamed and ran away. They both stopped suddenly though when they saw Abbi collapse. “Abbi,” Dean screamed running to her side. John also saw it and got out of the car as fast as he could. He ran over to where the kids were and picked her up. He drove her to the hospital. Sam and Dean watched as the doctor talked to their father. Dean was terrified, and it showed. John walked back to the boys. He couldn’t tell him, not Dean anyway. “Heat exhaustion,” he said simply to the boys. “It’s a good thing we have a long rest coming up.”

Later that day when Abbi was able to be discharged John walked up to the front desk. The secretary there told him he wasn’t able to take her. She was a minor and under the custody of the State of Kansas. He fought for hours with people via phone or face to face conversations and they all said the same thing. A social worker came and took Abbi. Dean watched, staring speechless as they took Abbi away. Abbi was screaming and she tried to run to Dean but she couldn’t get away. As soon as she was gone Dean fell to his knees and cried. Sam watched in confusion. He didn’t really understand what was going on. He knelt down next to his brother and placed a comforting hand on Dean’s shoulder.

Present Time

“Heat exhaustion my ass,” Dean said bitterly. He turned to his brother who seemed utterly confused. “You remember when she collapsed when we were playing tag when you were kid? We had to take her to the hospital and that’s how she got taken away? Tell me you remember that, you were ten.” Sam nodded reluctantly. “Dad lied to me Sam,” he said coldly. As far as he knew, his father had never lied to him. Not even about what really happened to their mother. “He said it was heat exhaustion.”

“Maybe that’s what the doctors thought it was Dean,” Sam said simply. “They didn’t have the same kind of diagnostic technology then.”

“It’s in her records Sam,” he said simply. “That’s what the doctor just said. He asked if I knew.” Dean sighed and looked down. He chewed at his lower lip for a moment in frustration. “She knew, and Dad knew and no one ever once told me.”

Sam didn’t know what to say. He knew that had to be painful but he still didn’t think it was right for Dean to just leave her like that. He tried to imagine what she must have felt ten years ago when she was taken by the state. “Dean,” he said trying to console his brother. “Maybe she thought you knew. Maybe she thought Dad told you. Its not something that comes up in normal conversation.”

“There’s that word again Sam,” he said coldly. “There’s a lot of things that don’t come up in normal conversation. Like your mother attached to the ceiling then spontaneously combusting. Those things come up in our conversations.”

“Still, Leukemia would have been a little strange, even for our family. Can you imagine how hard that must have been?” He sighed and lowered his head. He hated his brother’s stubbornness. “Damn it Dean,” he said quickly. “Don’t leave her like Dad left,” he said quietly. He knew he would regret that statement but it had to be said.

To Sam’s surprise, Dean didn’t say anything. In fact, Dean was silent for a long time. He slowly looked up at his brother after a few long minutes. “What am I supposed to say to her Sam?”

Straightjacket Feeling ch. 2

Dean checked his mirror as well and stopped the car. The road was empty so he didn’t worry about traffic. He turned and looked out the back window. Sure enough, Sam was right. Abbi was no where to be found. He pulled over and got out of the car without even turning it off. Sam turned off the car and took the keys, getting out as well. Dean ran down the road to the last place they had seem Abbi. “ABBI,” he screamed. Sam could hear the worry in his voice. Dean’s heart was racing along with his mind. He had no idea where she went. He was beginning to worry she wasn’t even real. “Abbi,” he shouted again.

“Dean,” Sam shouted from down the hill. Dean ran to the edge of the hill. At the bottom was Sam standing over a body.

“Abbi,” he screamed as he ran down the hill. As soon as he got to her he knelt down and picked her up in his arms. Her skin was cold and deathly pale. “Wake up,” he whispered. “Wake up,” he said again. His voice was shaking. Sam could hear it. He tried to think of something to do but his mind was at a loss. Dean pulled Abbi close to him and rocked back and forth. “Wake up,” he said again. Sam tried desperately to figure out what might have happened to her. Dean picked her up and headed up the hill. Sam followed close behind him.

“She needs to get to a hospital.”

“I know Sam,” he shouted. He looked down at Abbi’s pale limp body. “Hold on,” he whispered to her. He set her gently in the back seat of the car. Once both the boys were in the car Dean tore down the road.

“Dean the next town’s not for another hour.”

“I know Sam,” he yelled through gritted teeth as he drove faster down the empty road. Finally, they got to a hospital. He ran into the emergency room carrying her. The doctors took her and told Dean and Sam to wait there.

Sam sat there and stared into space. Dean paced back and forth in front of Sam. Sam never saw Dean like this before. After a few more hours, Sam had fallen asleep, the doctor came out. Dean walked up to him. There was a somber look on his face. Dean paled as he walked up to the doctor. Sam woke slowly and watched without moving. He didn’t want Dean to have to go through what he was going through. The doctor walked away after a moment and Dean walked back to Sam. His face was stolid. Sam stood to look his brother in the eye. “Dean?” He didn’t say anything for a long time. Sam began to get worried. Dean fell into the chair and ran his hand though his hair. “Dean,” Sam said once more as he sat down next to his older brother. “What is it? Is she all right?”

“She’s dying,” he said quietly. His voice was empty, like he had died.

“What?” Sam paused and looked at the pain in his brother’s eyes. “Dean, this isn’t your fault. We’ll find whatever did this to her just like we’ll find what killed mom and Jess.”

“It’s not that simple Sam,” he snapped turning his head towards his brother. “We can’t find what did this to her because nothing did.” Sam’s look of worry turned to confusion. “She has Leukemia,” he said quietly. Sam hadn’t been ready for that. All of the tragedy in the Winchester boys’ lives had come from something otherworldly. This was different. He looked over at his brother again.

Dean was lost. Sam could see it in his eyes. Demons, monster, ghosts, spirits, anything like that Dean could handle but this was beyond Dean’s control. Dean hated not having some form of control over a situation. That is what had angered him so much with the shape-shifter. This though, was completely out of Dean’s hands. “I… I don’t know what to say Dean,” Sam said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“Let’s go,” he said getting up and putting his jacket on. “We still have to find Dad.”

Sam stood as well but he didn’t move to leave. “Dean,” he said sternly. “That’s not fair to her. She needs someone right now and you’re just going to walk away from her?”

Dean turned back to Sam and looked him dead in the eyes. “She didn’t need me before she doesn’t need me now. Let’s go Sam.”

“No Dean,” Sam shouted. “This isn’t fair to her. You can’t just leave her alone like this. When she’s finds out-”

“She knows,” he shouted back at his brother. “What they did wasn’t fair to me.”



Nov. 2, 1983
Young Dean Winchester was fast asleep in his bedroom, tucked away safely under his blanket. He was torn suddenly from his dreams by a scream. He got up quickly and, almost instinctively, went to the window. Down in the back yard, looking up at him stood the small six year old figure of his closest friend. She had her arms wrapped around herself as if she were cold. It hadn’t begun to get that cold yet this year and Dean wondered why she looked so scared. He ran out of his room and stopped almost instantly when he saw the flames come from his baby brother’s room. He took a little step forward and peaked into the room. What he saw would haunt him for the rest of his life. He could barely make it out among the flames but it was definitely his mother. She was pinned to the ceiling with a look of pure horror on her pale face. The image was soon blocked out as his father came running out of the room. He handed Dean’s baby brother to him and told him to take Sammy and keep him safe. Dean nodded and ran out of the house to the backyard where Abbi stood. She stared at him, fear in her innocent eyes. Sammy began to cry but Dean didn’t notice. Within a few minutes Dean’s father came up and ran up behind him. “Abbi,” he said concerned. “What are you doing here?”

She continued to stare at Dean as if she didn’t hear his father. Then after a moment her head slowly raised, starting with her eyes. “I didn’t want Dean to get scared,” she said in her quiet voice. John Winchester looked at Abbi suspiciously. It was a judgment that would never change in the coming years. Abbi slowly looked down and met Dean’s eyes once more. The children that were Dean Winchester and Abbi Murphy died that night. No matter how immature Dean may have become that was the night he lost his innocence, and he would never be the same.

Straightjacket Feeling

Dislcaimer: I do not own Supernatural nor the characters within this story. The only character of my own creation is Abbi Murphy.

Notes: This takes place between the episodes "Bugs" and "Home" though it may eventually overlap with "Home".

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"Try this on,
Straightjacket feeling,
So maybe I won't be alone
Take back now
My life you're stealing."
~"Straightjacket Feeling" (The All-American Rejects)


Dean Winchester sat in the driver’s seat of his baby, his dearest ’67 Chevrolet Impala. He looked over at Sam who, as usual, was sitting in silence staring out the window. “What could possibly be that interesting,” he asked. “All we’ve seen for the past eight hours is corn, corn, and more corn.”

Sam turned his head toward his older brother and gave him a small laugh. He knew Dean knew what he was thinking so he didn’t bother to answer. “How long,” he asked simply.

“Another hour or so,” Dean answered turning his head back to the road. His mind was elsewhere as well. That was, until Sam spoke again.

“Dean,” Sam said quickly. Dean turned to his brother and saw what Sam was looking at. There was a car pulled off to the side of the road, smoke emanating from underneath the hood. It wasn’t something unnatural but Dean felt the need to stop and help. That need mostly came when he saw the driver. He pulled up behind the car. Standing and leaning against the driver’s side door was a young woman. She had long brown hair that was pulled back. She wore a black tank top and blue jeans with an old pair of tennis shoes. Nothing too extraordinary, Sam wondered why Dean was so willing to help.

“Can we offer you a hand,” he asked getting out of the car. Sam got out of the car still confused, and a little worried. Dean never stopped unless he had a reason. What was his reason? She wasn’t exceptionally “hot”, not in Sam’s opinion anyway.

The woman turned toward them and smiled. “Well, well stranger,” she said with a smile walking up to him and throwing her arms around his neck. She stopped when she saw Sam. She stared at him. Sam looked around a little uncomfortable. “Oh my God,” she said walking up to him. “Sammy Winchester,” she asked. “Holy crap.”

“Hey,” Dean said sounding insulted. She turned to him and gave him some look that made him smirk, but Sam couldn’t see it.

“You’ve gotten… tall,” she said still amazed. “He’s taller than you Dean.”

Sam gave Dean a look telling him he had no idea what was going on. “Sammy, you remember Abbi right.”

Sam looked down and stared. He hadn’t seen her since he was little. How could he forget her? Dean and she were inseparable as children. Their dad said that they had been best friends since their mom took Dean to the park one day when he was around two and they started playing together. Her parents died in a car accident not long after their mom died. Their dad took her in for a while before the government finally caught up with him and but her in foster care when she was fifteen. Sam remembered Dean being devastated. It was the only time he had seen his brother cry. She looked so different now. “Wow,” he said quietly. He looked over at Dean.

“She found Dad and me until just after you left for school.” He nodded with a small smile. Then he walked over to the car and opened the hood, the smoke had faded by then. “What did you do to this thing Abbi,” he whined. “It’s ok,” he said to the car. “I’m gonna fix you up.”

She rolled her eyes and sat down on the hood of Dean’s car. He looked around her car and saw her. He opened his mouth to say something but she interrupted him. “You want to come over here and make me,” she snapped. With that he went back to what he was doing. Sam laughed. Dean never was able to fight her. They fought a lot but she always managed to win. It was actually rather amusing. “So how’s college life been treating you Sammy?”

“Sam,” he corrected her quietly.

“Wow, we’ve finally graduated from first grade,” she said with a laugh. “All right then, Sam.”

“It’s been good.” His voice was distant as he spoke. She could tell his mind was elsewhere. She had seen that look so often with Dean. He really missed his brother when Sam left for college.

“Why aren’t you there,” she asked. She knew it had something to do with Dean. She remembered hearing about the fight they had before Sam left. He swore he’d have nothing to do with hunting. When Dean told her that, she broke out laughing. She knew it was part of who Sam Winchester was, just like it was a part of who Dean Winchester was. He’d never get away from it and she told Dean that. Those words have haunted Dean for the past few months, since he pulled Sam back into this.

“Long story,” Sam said simply.

Then she looked around and noticed they were missing a Winchester. “Dean,” she shouted. “Where’s you dad?” There was a short pause. “Dean watch i”

“Damn,” Dean shouted as the hood of the car fell and hit his head. “What,” he said looking at her as he closed the hood of her car. He walked back to her rubbing the top of his head to ease the pain.

“Where’s your dad,” she asked. She looked around and inside the car there was only two when there should be three.

“That’s why Sam’s here really,” Dean answered. “Dad went missing a few months ago.” Dean stopped when he noticed Abbi’s face turn ghostly white. “What?”

“Do… do you remember what I told you the night your mom died,” she asked quietly. Dean nodded. How could he forget? “I heard them again a few months ago. They were there for about a week, the laughing the whispers. Then one night I heard the screaming.” She was terribly worried it was their dad. Dean’s response however confused her even more.

“Jess,” Sam and Dean said at the same time.

“Jess,” she asked. “Who’s Jess?”

“Jess is my girlfriend,” Sam answered quietly. “Wa… was my girlfriend.” She turned to him and realized that’s why he was there. She wasn’t going to make him retell the story.

“Oh Sammy,” she whispered placing her hand comfortingly on his face. “I’m so sorry.” She felt so bad for the poor boy. First his mother died and now his girlfriend. She looked back at Dean and decided to change the subject. “So how’s my car,” she asked. Dean just glared at her. She smiled innocently.

“Get in,” Dean said reluctantly. She flashed him a huge smile.

“What about your car?” Sam asked.

“Not mine,” she said honestly. Dean’s eyes widened in surprise. “It’s not stolen either Dean,” she snapped. “Someone in the last town was going to have it towed so I said I’d fix it up, you know how handy I am. Well, there’s really nothing you can do for a car that old and that crappy,” she said simply. Let me get my stuff. She ran back to the sorry excuse for a car and grabbed a bag from it. Then she ran back to Dean’s car. She walked around and got in the car, sitting behind Sam as the brother also got in the car.

“Where were you headed,” Sam asked.

“No where in particular. I tend to roam. I’m restless, I don’t like to stay in one spot too long, right Dean,” she said with a smile. Dean remained quiet. Both Abbi and Sam noticed. “Dean what’s wrong,” she asked leaning against the back of Sam’s seat.

“Nothing,” he said distantly. Sam and Abbi knew better though and they continued to glare at him. “Its nothing all right,” he snapped.

Abbi was surprised, she had rarely seen Dean snap. “Stop the car,” she said quickly.

“What,” Dean said turning to her.

“NOW DEAN WINCHESTER,” She yelled. Dean hated when she yelled at him. He slammed on the breaks, sending her forward a bit and hitting her head against Sam’s. “Sorry,” she said to Sam as she got out of the car. “Get out,” she said to Dean. “NOW.”

Dean stayed put. “No,” he said simply. “What the hell is wrong with you Abbi.” After hearing that Sam’s head was spinning with ideas. The Abbi Murphy he remembered as a child was terribly shy and hardly ever spoke.

“Dean Winchester you get out of that damn car right now,” she snapped.

Dean reluctantly got out of the car and follow Abbi to the side of the road. “What,” he snapped. He didn’t usually yell at her but his past was his past and she didn’t need to know any of it. What happened between him and Sam stayed that way. Secrets he kept from his brother would be kept from her as well.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” she asked. “What’s been going on? You’re distant. I know you better than that Dean Winchester.”

“Nothing’s wrong Abbi Murphy. I’m agreeing to take you with us because you’re probably a better hunter than Sam and you’ve been my best friend since I was two,” he hissed at her leaning forward in a threatening manor. “But if you keep pressing this I’ll leave you to walk.”

Sam watched from the car wondering what was going on. It was then he realized he had missed a lot when he went to college. He remembered the look on Dean’s face when Abbi was taken away, the tears in his brother’s eyes. What could possibly be so bad that he’d be yelling at her?

“Then I’ll walk,” she said coldly. She stormed back to the car and grabbed her bag. Then she slammed the door shut and began to walk down the road. Sam watched confused.

“Dean what are you doing,” Sam asked when Dean got back to the car. “What’s going on?”

“Stupid whore wants to walk let her,” he said coldly through gritted teeth.

“Dean,” Sam yelled. He knew his brother would never call her that. “What the hell is going on,” he yelled. He looked out the car as they passed her. He kept a watch on her through his rearview mirror as they drove away. The sun had set by then and it was dark. Sam didn’t feel right just leaving her on the side of the road like that. Hunter or not she could get hurt. “Dean you can’t just leave her there,” he said quickly.

“Watch me,” Dean muttered.

“Damn it Dean tell me what’s going on. What happened?”

“Nothing happened Sam,” he snapped.

Sam sighed and looked back into the mirror. He sat up straight worry and fear in his eyes. “Dean,” he said quickly. “Dean she’s gone.”